Khan Do….

“Who can’t stop drinking may get drunken three times a month. If he does it more often, he is guilty. To get drunken twice a month is better; once, still more praiseworthy. But not to drink at all – what could be better than this? But where could such a being be found?”

Where indeed. The Dail Bar? Doheny & Nesbitts? St. John of Gods?

It was actually one of your ancestors, who posed that question, one of the most skilled military tacticians and politicians of his day, Genghis Khan. This extraordinary man united the disparate factions that surrounded him and became the very quotable ruler of the world’s largest empire.

Old Genghis was a great man for the copulation, so much, so that .o5 of the world’s male population, 16 million, can be traced back directly to the Mongol Warlord.

Where did the great Mongol leader get the time time or the energy, to do so much siring. He must have been “on” something other than alcohol. I wish we could find a bit of whatever it was. It might be a good substitute for the drink and would ensure that responsible politicians would never again have difficulty negotiating blocked up, city streets, or worry about booby-trap early morning radio interviews.

“An action committed in anger is an action doomed to failure” is another of Khan’s quotable quotes. It is pithy but apt. How can the Alan Shatter-Martin Callinan tag-team wrestle effectively with the Simon O’Reilly-Shane Ross duo, without anger, when more dirt continues to come tumbling out. Of course we know that wrestling is a scam, with everything choreographed to the max, so that we can only conclude that the reason everything has been kept quiet for the last two years-some say eight-was because they were still tinkering with the script. This hiatus, or these hiati if you’re picky, allowed things to simmer gently and gave everybody a chance to cool down.

Ghengis in battle, was formidable. They say he was the Roy Keane of the Mongolia. He said, “if you’re afraid – don’t do it, – if you’re doing it – don’t be afraid.” Michael Martin looks like he is using Khan’s philosophy and finally growing into the role of tough guy, as he chews on a veritable Breakfast Roll of garda goodies, with more recipes for disaster surfacing daily. The question is, can he get the food straight into his mouth, without getting blood on the tracks, or ketchup on his pristine white shirt.

In Genghis Khan, the Blueshirts would have been inclined to think they had an ally. He employed an extensive spy network and was quick to adopt new technologies from his enemies. Of course this was back in the Middle Ages, long before mobile phones and bugging equipment, but the well-trained Mongol army of 80,000 fighters were still able to co-ordinate their advance with a sophisticated signaling system of smoke and burning torches. (In the 21st Century a well known Irish international statesman tried a variation of this, which he called “smoke and daggers.”It went horribly wrong and for his trouble, he got stabbed in the front, back and sides.)

This week Genghis Khan has been branded the greenest of the greens. Slaughter of the vanquished was Genghis’s modus operandi, which efficiently helped him forge the biggest empire in history between the 13th and 14th centuries. The incidental deaths of 40 million people, meant that large areas of cultivated land grew thick once again with trees, which absorb carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and all the people who got carved up along the way, helped remove nearly 700 million tons of carbon from the atmosphere.

What we need now, obviously, is a new Genghis Khan. But where can we find him. Well if Genghis is supposedly linked to 16 million men, should we not look at The Dail and see if anyone bears any resemblance to Genghis, the great warrior.

A geneticist tell us “It’s the first documented case when human culture has caused a single genetic lineage to increase to such an enormous extent in just a few hundred years.”

If we’re looking for culture, that eliminates the Healy-Reas and Jimmy Deenihan immediately.Mick Wallace makes the right kind of noise, but the hair colour is sadly not very Genghisy. Enda is a pocket rocket, who would need Big Phil, even more than he does now. As Minister for Communications, Pat Rabbitte deserves a shot, but he might not be prepared to slaughter everybody in RTE.

I can’t even guess at Leo Varadkar’s lineage, but I like the cut of his jib. He’s a Khan-do kinda guy and he is pragmatic, authoritative and I imagine he’d look good in Mongolian attire. Leo could definitely be a player.

And speaking of players, ten days ago, Manchester City striker, Mario Ballotelli, went out and had Genghis Kahn’s most famous quote tattooed on his chest.

“I am the punishment of God…If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”

Looks like Mario has opened up a whole new khan of worms. If he doesn’t start scoring goals soon, it could backfire badly.

Article Written by Shay Healy 
First Published in The Irish Daily Mail 
Saturday 15th February 2014 
Shay Healy’s latest eBook ‘The Danny Boy Triangle’ is Out Now on Kindle 2.99
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About shayhealyblog

Shay Healy is a multi-media artist from Dublin Ireland, who has been in the music business all his life. His song “What’s Another Year”sung by Johnny Logan won the 1980 Eurovision Song Contest. He has written two musicals, The Knowledge and The Wiremen. As a television host, Shay is famous for a cult chat show, Nighthawks and on the other side of the camera, he has made over 12 documentary films, including “The Rocker-A Portrait of Phil Lynott” ,“First Lady”-A Portrait of Tammy Wynette ” and “Roy Rogers-King of The Cowboys. The Danny Boy Triangle (3 Books in 1) is now available to buy on Amazon
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