Pat Rabbitte… a Noob!

pat-rabbitte1I have a sneaky suspicion that our Minister for Communications, Pat Rabbitte, is a Noob. In the lingua franca of the computing classes, noob is a neologism that means he is a Johnny-Come -Lately to technology and to the many diverse communities out in cyberspace.

Pat was rabbiting away on the radio about his new Public Service Broadcasting Charge, which is to replace the old TV license. Everyone will have to pay, but there are always some determined freeloaders. The Minister said, this new license will give the License Detectors a better chance at catching dodgers. He also peep-peed on the notion that there are people out there who have never been on Facebook.

“I do not believe we have cavemen in the country. I don’t believe there are people who don’t watch television and don’t access content on their iPhone or iPad.’”

That was a good guess, Minister, but you’re so terribly wrong. There are still lots of knuckle-draggers and Big Foots of two genders out there, who have never heard of Twitter, not to mention YouTube. Its a great delusion for you to think that you are talking to the whole country, when in fact your audience is middle class and has perfect high speed broadband already.

You are going to have trouble collecting and could do worse than recruit housebound whistleblower, Julian Assange, who may, in his time at Wikipedia, have had access to Irish lists. And if he gets stuck, a few of our lads probably knows a few lads over in Langley, who might help. Anyway the Yanks owe us a few favours in return for private pit stops in Shannon.  Furthermore, they probably have more and better information for tracking license evaders, in Ireland, than we have ourselves.

It was inevitable that the internet would throw up a new vocabulary, a hacker’s patois, a geek’s glossary, full of witty neologisms. The geekier the geek, the better the neologism. Google is a good example. From being the name of a company, it has become a verb. Now we use the search engine to “google” information from various web sites.

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found.

Spam: Flooding the Internet with many copies of the same message, in an attempt to force the message on people who would not otherwise choose to receive it.

Ego surfer:  A person who boosts his ego by searching for his own name on Google and other search engines

App: Software application for a smartphone or tablet computer.

Troll: An individual who posts inflammatory, rude, and obnoxious comments to an online community.

Tweet cred: social standing on Twitter

Noob: Someone who is new to an online community or game.

A YouTuber is someone who posts “videos” on YouTube, which is your cyberspace home cinema, where oddballs, chancers, cranks, degenerates, pornographers, thieves and bankers worldwide, exhibit their work. The extraordinary creative talents, revel in the freedom of expressing themselves. Pure awfulness also gets a look–in , for the edification of the bland, the beastly and the bewildered.

There are billions of YouTubers, but only a handful have so far achieved stardom. The most successful female YouTuber in the world is 26 year old Jenna Marbles, who broadcasts her video every Wednesday from the kitchen of her home in Santa Monica, California. Thus far she has clocked up over 1 billion views.

Up until recently YouTube was kosher, with no attempt at censorship. Hard-core pornographic websites are consistently the most viewed material on the internet. The flaws, that began to show in our jurisdiction, were related to Facebook, another social media website, which is cross-pollinated by YouTube. Matters, such as bullying and stalking showed how YouTube and Facebook could be manipulated to the detriment of some teenagers. It took a few suicides by bullied youngsters to remind us that YouTube is a leading player of the Social Media and must observe a high standard of civilized behavior.

Every nation under the Sun subscribes to this musical, egalitarian farrago which never disappoints. At its best, on YouTube you can, twenty-four hours a day, view the wonder of human invention and creativity. There are obvious strands, such as kids making their own videos to go with the album they’ve recorded in their bedrooms. But if you want a blind, one-legged midget’ playing Bohemian Rhapsody on a ukulele, you’ll find it, or something close to it.

So what are we to call this new kind of social media star, who flutters and flits from YouTube… to Facebook, to Twitter, to Instagram, to Text?

I think I’ve coined a word, a neologism, to describe these stars of the social media.


I have arbitrarily decided that anyone with more than 1 million Views, is qualified to call themselves a cylebrity,  a star of cyberspace.

Meanwhile, once I’d started I couldn’t stop and I came up with whole load of new words starting with CY….cytistics, cybrowse, cytation, cycommotion, cybernophile, cydentity……all contributions gratefully received

Article Written by Shay Healy
First Published in The Irish Daily Mail,
Saturday 31st August 2013  
Shay Healy’s latest eBook ‘The Danny Boy Triangle’ is Out Now on Kindle 2.99
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About shayhealyblog

Shay Healy is a multi-media artist from Dublin Ireland, who has been in the music business all his life. His song “What’s Another Year”sung by Johnny Logan won the 1980 Eurovision Song Contest. He has written two musicals, The Knowledge and The Wiremen. As a television host, Shay is famous for a cult chat show, Nighthawks and on the other side of the camera, he has made over 12 documentary films, including “The Rocker-A Portrait of Phil Lynott” ,“First Lady”-A Portrait of Tammy Wynette ” and “Roy Rogers-King of The Cowboys. The Danny Boy Triangle (3 Books in 1) is now available to buy on Amazon
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