There is a massive Black Hole at the centre of our galaxy. A cloud named Sagittarius A, is exciting scientists around the world as they observe it, moving ever closer to the rim of the Black Hole, called the Event Horizon, over which things are sucked and disappear into nothingness. This sight has never been witnessed before.
There is also a massive Black Hole at the centre of Ireland’s economy. A cloud of deep despair is enveloping the inhabitants, who have been severely stung by an event called The Bank Guarantee, over which they had no control and which, consequently, has left them having to fight hard to save themselves from being permanently submerged in the nothingness of austerity.
The cloud in our galaxy is named Sagittarius A and to their astonishment and delight, scientists found a magnetar, in the cloud. Sometimes called pulsars, they are small rapidly rotating planets, the remains of exploded stars. They were first discovered by Belfast astrophysicist, Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell. Because the pulse from the small planet was so regular, for a time, she and her colleagues thought they were listening to a signal from another civilization, somewhere in outer space, so they named the project LGM, Little Green Men. Happily this new pulsar will probably have just enough gravitational strength to resist being sucked into the pit of the Black Hole and the scientists are delighted, because they will be able to use it for measuring time and distances in space.
The news for us, the small country with the BlacBlack Hole at the centre of its economy, is not so good. It started spiraling dizzily on the night of September 30th, 2008, when Taoiseach Brian Cowan and Minister for Finance, Brian Lenihan exposed us to paying out billions of euros to bail out the rogues of the banking world, who were entrusted with the management of the banks and consequently, our country’s wealth. These arrogant bankers falsified information, did not declare their problems to the regulator and blindsided the senior civil servants, who were dozing inside the property bubble, instead of spotting that things were rotten in more places than Denmark.
The casual disregard for the punters, evident in the tapes of the infamous phone calls between bank executives, has plunged this Island of Snakes and Squalor into an even grimmer austerity, which has blighted the citizens lives and leaves them languishing in a pit of impecuniousness.
Fifty years ago when I was essaying my first foray into outer space by reading Eric Von Daniken’s “Chariot of the Gods,” UFOs were something I wanted to believe in. But the vital physical evidence was missing. Roswell, New Mexico was the epicentre of the UFOlogist’s world. All investigations into Area 54, the high security military base in the desert, failed to uncover credible evidence of flying saucers and alien life-forms.
My scepticism grew in intensity when a couple of years ago, an Irish female UFOligist made a claim that Roscommon was a vector for alien spacecraft. The idea that people of such an advanced civilization would be hanging around some lay-by in Roscommon, was a bit too much to swallow.
Undeterred by this setback, I allowed myself be pointed in the direction of Hon. Paul Hellyer, an ex-Canadian Minister of Defence. In 2011, he addressed the International UFO Congress in Fountain Hills, Arizona. His presentation was published for the first time on June 10, this year, just a couple of weeks ago. In his speech he said that UFOs are ”as real as the airplanes you see in the sky.” The Hon. Paul is a great favourite at conspiracy theorists gatherings, but he starts his speeches with an emphatic disavowal of being a UFOlogist.
Paul further said that aliens had been visiting us for thousands of years and that there were four different species we had encountered, so far. And as a final twist, he announced in a coup de gras that there are currently two aliens living on American Air Force property, and co-operating with American scientists on scientific projects.
Ever since I first came across Jocelyn Bell Burnell, the idea that we are unique is alien to me, if you’ll pardon the pun. Last year on RTE radio in response to being asked were there aliens out there, she emphatically said that not alone were they out there, but that we should also be devising a protocol for when they do come. Will they be belligerent or benign? Do we greet them with hostility or humility?
This got me thinking that wouldn’t it be a holy and a wholesome thought to use our NBF, Michelle Obama to follow up this information on behalf of the Irish people and find out whether the aliens might have some super-sophisticated banking system, which would give us the jump on the rest of the world and just give enough gravitational strength to avoid being sucked into the Black Hole of despair that is currently tugging us towards perdition.
UFO: Unforgivable Financial Onanists.
LGM: Lying Greedy Mother……Article Written by Shay Healy First Published in The Irish Daily Mail, Saturday 29th June 2013 Shay Healy’s latest eBook ‘The Danny Boy Triangle’ is Out Now on Kindle 2.99 Free Kindle Reader – download app