Luis Suarez is a big girl’s blouse


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It was such a girlie foul. Biting somebody on the elbow. The elbow? If you’re going to bite somebody, at least pick a spot that’s juicy and visible. I heard an Irish traveller, recounting a fight he had been in, where he bit off half of his opponents ear…  ”and I swallied it.” That’s premiership quality biting.

While the press were gorging on Suarez’s  dastardly dental infraction, a second biting incident was in progress, which would put the Luis Suarez affair in the shade.

Almost unnoticed, on the back pitch in Leinster House, a row broke out between John Moran, Assistant coach of Finance Minister, Michael Noonan’s  FC Bailout, and John Mc Guinness, chairman of PAC United, the Dail‘s most powerful team.

The contretemps was over a refusal by Moran to release key documents relating to transfers which took place on September 28th   1998.

Mr Moran said he has begun a review of the file, including “55 key documents”, with a view to releasing files “where possible”. However, Mr Moran told the Irish Independent, the release of any files is highly conditional and said “it would not be possible to forward [to the committee] legally privileged documents”, which include communications between the Attorney General and government departments.”

There is outrage in the Dail and the public mood is not improved by this lack of information about the goings-on of September  29th, 1998., the day the Bank guarantee was so recklessly implemented. Who was there? Who stepped up and took the peno. Did anyone ask are we still a democracy? What does John Moran look like? How much does he earn?And most urgent of all, can you find out how he, on his own, can defy the government, even his own gaffer. If it turns out that a law is causing the blockage, why not repeal it and write a new one.

My guess is that the final report will probably dump on Brian Lenihan’s grave. He is the most perfect patsy since Sean Doherty’s reckless decision to take the rap for the phone-tapping scandal initiated by the 80’s Irish Manager, Charlie Haughey, from the Darndale/Kinsealy district.

Meanwhile, back in Leinster House, a member of the opposition, who declined to be named, told me “it was a vicious attack on John Moran, the Minister of Finance, Michael Noonan’s second-in-command, who remained remarkably composed while having his head bitten off by PAC United..

Undaunted, John Moran stoically absorbed  the pressure as the cross-examination continued.

“Nor will it be possible to release records that are covered by cabinet confidentiality, or where commercial sensitivity remains an issue.”

Records! I wasn’t aware the civil service had its own record company. But it’s a great idea for the members to be able to record an album of grievances that wouldn’t be heard otherwise. If it hasn’t already happened, somebody should call in Donie Cassidy, who was a one time  professional musician and a very successful manager of Foster and Allen.

Back in Liverpool. Suarez got a dose of apology diarrhoea.

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez apologises for his “inexcusable behaviour” after biting Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic. On Twitter  he apologized “for my unacceptable behavior” and in a separate tweet said, “yesterday the club has fined me today”. “I apologise to my manager and everyone at Liverpool for letting them down.”

His “unacceptable” and “inexcusable” behavior” was accepted with the speed of a taxi driver with a car full of drunken teenage girls.

Earlier in the day of the match, Sunday, a newspaper interview found him in affable mood.

“Everybody’s got their own opinion about players. And everybody’s got their own way of doing things on the field. I understand defenders probably aren’t going to vote for me because I’ve got my particular style, which can be considered a bit niggly.

A bit “niggly” turns out to be obnoxious, disruptive and lacking in sportsmanship to the point that he exasperates his wife.

“She asks what I’m doing, why am I arguing with the referee. ‘All you’ve done today is turn up to shout at people, why don’t you concentrate on playing football?’

“I don’t (concentrate on football), they [Sofia and his daughter, Delfina] won’t come and watch me anymore. These are things my wife has picked up on and so has everyone else, so it has made me think.”

That other old ear-biter, former heavyweight champion, Mike Tyson, who took a lump out of Evander Holyfield’s ear during a World Title fight, summed up the Suarez incident very succinctly.

“Suarez bit someone, it happens. I am sure he will make amends with this guy. I made amends with Evander and we got on with our lives.

It would be nice to think the same might happen to PAC chairman John McGuinness and fellow officers who are now in desperation calling on Mr Moran to release a “highly redacted” or blanked-out file relating to the events of September 29, 1998

It might just be the ticket for Luis Suarez to tide him over until his ten week ban has been served. Immediately the heat came on Suarez, the wannabe scary monster started squealing a….

Article Written by Shay Healy
First Published in The Irish Daily Mail,
Saturday 27th April 2013

About shayhealyblog

Shay Healy is a multi-media artist from Dublin Ireland, who has been in the music business all his life. His song “What’s Another Year”sung by Johnny Logan won the 1980 Eurovision Song Contest. He has written two musicals, The Knowledge and The Wiremen. As a television host, Shay is famous for a cult chat show, Nighthawks and on the other side of the camera, he has made over 12 documentary films, including “The Rocker-A Portrait of Phil Lynott” ,“First Lady”-A Portrait of Tammy Wynette ” and “Roy Rogers-King of The Cowboys. The Danny Boy Triangle (3 Books in 1) is now available to buy on Amazon
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